Another Update on the Life of Me

I had something I wanted to write about... a few days ago that is. I now realize that my constant desire to put on paper everything that comes into my head for fear that I will forget it in more than a few hours is well-based. I am so incredibly forgetful!!

Having said that, I will move on to what I can remember at this moment. I still feel like I am getting little done, since I have not researched publishers (which is the next large project on my list) or even worked on my first stage play. However, I have been very productive over the last few days. I was inspired with a new novel idea which turned out to be decently simple to write down. There are few holes, and considering that the idea came from a dream, that is amazing. Then, in a sudden thought while sitting at my dance studio waiting to be picked up, I came up with another novel idea (much more basic than the last one) that can be built upon when I finally decide to write my next fiction series. The next day, I thought of a topic for a series of children's books which I would highly enjoy writing. My list of projects expands. How can I ever be bored?

So if you could lick the sun, what would you want it to taste like?

What's Been Keeping Me Away

It's been a while. I know it well. However, I have done nothing about it... until now. I don't have a specific topic I wish to address in this post, so I will mostly be just talking. Not for long. I need to study for a history test.

How can I seem so busy when in actuality I have little to do? How can I list so many things that I should be working on, tell myself I don't have time to do it all, then look back on my day and realize that I haven't done any of it?

To be completely honest, that isn't true. I don't think a day has gone by this week in which I have done absolutely nothing on my current list. That's good. I am busy; I have trouble finding time to do things like write letters and posts. And yet, I still find time to do nothing. Today, I managed to finish all my schoolwork, finish a book I was reading, choreograph a good section of the dance I'm working on, listen to some music I need to muse over, add a nice chunk of inspiration to my current dream, go to the store for my mom, buy tickets for Broadway, and make dinner. I still have time to study and possibly watch a movie. 

And I didn't think it had been a very productive day until now. I guess listing what you've accomplished helps you realize it happened. I don't need to do one of my large projects (such as writing a stage play, writing a novel, or researching publishers) in order to have a productively filled day. I'm so glad I just came to that conclusion!

Purity Song

I was singing in the shower tonight (after all, it has the best acoustics in the house) and trying to come up with some new lyrics. So I juggled around a few phrases, converted them into lines, had nice long pauses in between while attempting to rhyme; all the usual business of my songwriting moments. 

But one chorus did stick out to me as a keeper. I don't know what I'll do with it, but I liked the lines and the tempo I used. I had just watched Taylor Swift's music video to "Fifteen" and had been considering the lack of purity in teenage girls nowadays. This is what came to mind.

"Don't give yourself away,

Wait for that special day.

When you are his and he is yours

The license signed

Then you can close the door.

But not before."

It's pretty simple lines, perhaps over-used, but I liked how they fit together. And of course, it's a message that never gets old. It needs to be heard. So many girls are giving away the precious gift God bestowed on them simply because they feel insecure and unloved. If they could only realize that they are forever loved by their Creator.

The Best Feeling In the World

What is the best feeling in the world?

Wow. Is that debatable or what? But I guess I can say what my best feeling of today was. At approximately four o'clock this afternoon, I wrote the final words on my second novel. It took me until 5:30 to grammar and spell check it though. Either way, today I finished my novel. It was definitely a glorious feeling. Now pardon me while I go to a two minute victory dance in celebration.

Okay I'm back. That may have been a really cool feeling, but it gives way to not-so-cool ones. Like the thought that now I have to print it out and send it out to editors. That's not so bad since my editors are my friends. The next step is editing though, and that can be very boring. In addition, I am going to send out my first novel to more agents and companies while I'm waiting for the second to be edited. This is a dreaded job because even if I think my novel is amazing, I never feel entirely pleased with my query. However, if I ever want publication I have to keep trying until I get it. Never give up!

Of course, there's one more thing finishing one's second novel gives way to: starting the third. Luckily, I can wait a few months on that or even to the end of the year. Writing my third novel will be difficult since it is supposed to be very deep and spiritual. I think I need to grow a little more.

But all in all, it was a nice feeling. To have two completed novels before you are even 17 is awfully encouraging. But the best feeling in the world? When an agent calls to tell me they want to by my manuscript!!

The Almost-Kiss

Today I did something I had not yet done in my true novels (granted I have done more in my short stories and random chronicles). I wrote an almost-kiss. By saying I've done more, I mean I've written plenty of kisses. But those were in stories that didn't matter because no one besides me would ever read them, so I was allowed to be shallow. In my second novel, I have to be deep because I am aiming for publication.
You would never guess how hard it is to write an almost-kiss without being mushy or blatant. For example, I could go for the romance novel for adults angle and say something like, "A hungry look filled his eyes as they dropped down to gaze at her mouth. He swallowed hard and leaned intimately towards her until reality seemed to infiltrate his mind, causing him to step away."
Or I could have done the cheesy, unrealistic, this-is-a-worldly-novel-written-by-a-shallow-author take on it, like this: "He stepped closer to her and leaned down. Her heart skipped a beat; was he going to kiss her? But no, a second thought turned him away an instant later, leaving her with only a memory of the would-have-been kiss."
Is it just me, or do both of those ways seem incredibly blah. So I decided my readers are going to be smarter than I usually assume they are (I like to think everyone in the world is less perceptive than myself for some reason) and went with a simple implication. I believe it ended up something like this. "She wiped moisture from her eyes, then looked up at him. He was still staring at her; there was a sort of hunger in his eyes. He leaned towards her, paused, then stepped away, rubbing a hand over his face."
Simple, well-put (if I do say so myself) and enough for any smart girl to know that he was about to kiss her. Now, I'm not really sure about guys... but they can ask their sisters.

What's Up?

Well, I've been pretty busy lately with different activities, and that will probably continue for the next several weeks... actually until Christmas. What's taking up so much time of a homeschooled teenager? Writing is one thing. Dancing is another. My sisters and I are now starting a dance corps at our church - just in time to choreograph, teach, and rehearse three numbers for our Christmas production. But how on earth do you get three girls together to choreograph when they all have different schedules and are only home all together for a good amount of time on Sundays? Have I mentioned that our Sundays will now be taken up having rehearsals at which we must teach others our choreography? So needless to say, I'm just trying not to panic or anything. I'm sure everything will come together in time, and it will be fantastic. 

As for my other occupation, I'm doing pretty well. Or was until today. I will most likely attempt to write today. This will be the scenario: I will do everything else I need to do such as typing up some flyers for auditions, then I will open my book and stare at the page. I'll place my fingers on the keys, look at the time, and decide it's time to play some games. Once I finish with that, I will once again go to the book, stare at it, and prepare to write. Then I will decide to go try some choreography. In this way, I will probably waste all day and never get more than a paragraph written. Anyone who thinks writing is easy should have their head examined. I can't imagine what it would be like if I were under a deadline! Panic extreme!

In One So Small

In One So Small

The world has ended

No one else realizes

But I know

They keep going

But I will never move again

There is a hand drawing me close

Words of comfort whispered in my ear

But I do not feel it

I do not hear them

Nothing can penetrate the darkness surrounding my heart

I am not sad

I do not feel sorrow or even grief

Those words are not strong enough to express my emotions

They are shallow

What I feel is so much deeper

There is no word for it

Tears roll from my eyes

But they are just a reaction

They do not show how deeply this pain cuts

Then something touches me

A tiny hand grasps mine

I look down

A little girl looks back up at me

Just a child

Barely more than a baby

Her eyes are wide

Her face is troubled

She whispers

"Don't cry, Mommy

I love you"

Can God have placed Himself in one so small?

I gather her into my arms

Draw me close to you, O Lord

Just as I draw my child close to me

Comfort me

Just as I comfort her

I finally realize

I still have something to live for

Things are not better

I do not laugh

I do not even smile

My life isn't fixed

My heart isn't healed

But I have a purpose

Time and prayer will heal these wounds

Can anything erase the scars?

But I have a hope

And a future

A reason to live

A reason to move

Can God have placed Himself in one so small

Just to remind me?

In honor of all those left behind - our prayers are with you.

"For we do not mourn like those who have no hope..."

Matt and Brody Knapp

May 7th 2009

Marcos Gonnet

September 8th 2009

Rejoice In His Presence!