Wow. It's been a while since I got on. I guess I've been in a writing low; I keep jumping from one idea to the next without getting any real productive work done.
But a lot has happened. I applied to college - got accepted. I applied to the musical theatre department - got accepted. I applied for a scholarship - note to self: I still haven't sent it in.
For a long time, I was really busy all the time. I was working a lot and going to college and doing school at home and it just seemed like I never had time to do anything. Now I suddenly find myself still going to college, working, and doing school, but somehow having free time in between. Naturally, I've been wasting most of it.
I have a project though. Maybe it's crazy and pointless. Maybe I'm wasting my time. But maybe it will take me somewhere. I figure it's worth trying, because as that old saying goes, "You never know until you try." Of course, it would be a lot easier for me to try if producers would let random people like me have their email addresses. Hey, who am I kidding? I'll just do what I can.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Guy
Here are some things that I want in a man. Some of them petty, some of them deep, but all purely me nonetheless.
Well-expressed-
This means more than talking about his emotions and thoughts. In fact, I want a guy who does not talk much; chatter drives me crazy. I want someone who feels free to express himself through his words, actions, movements, eyes, and even his silence. A comfortable silence can speak so many words.
Well-groomed hair-
Frankly, I want him to be well-groomed all over, but specifically, hair is important. I mean, what girl doesn't long to run her hands through a guy's hair and twirl the strands around her fingers. Petty, yes. But I want it anyway.
Organized, but spontaneous-
I tend to be an organized person. I like things to be in their places and on time. But I also have a don't-care-about-anything attitude that yearns for spontenaity and fun. A guy is going to have to keep me interested and excited, but he cannot make my life into a chaotic mess. Orderly fun?
Expressive eyes-
Sure I already said this, but I want to stress it. I don't care what color, shape, size, or deepness his eyes are, but he better be able to express himself in the way he looks at me. I want to see how he feels just by looking into his eyes.
Manliness that is aware of feminist movements-
I believe a man should be a leader in the home. Spiritually, he should be the head. Over the family, over the wife, over the finances. I want a man who treats me like a woman. On the other hand, I can be quite independent and I'm not sure how well I will be able to depend completely on a man. So he needs to be aware and open to giving me opportunity. Sometimes, I have to be a strong, leading woman.
A perfect devil-
Okay, so maybe that's a little strong. But honestly, I don't think I could stand one of those goody-two-shoes guys (not to use the term insultingly - I've been called that enough to know it's not nice). As Anne Shirley says, "I want him to be able to be wicked." At the same time, of course I want an angel.
That is my list for now, in no way encompassing everything I desire. There are natural deeper things, like a strong relationship with the Lord and enough ambition to have gotten or be getting him somewhere in life. But those are a few things.
Basically, I need a guy who is a contradiction - just like me. Good luck with that!
Well-expressed-
This means more than talking about his emotions and thoughts. In fact, I want a guy who does not talk much; chatter drives me crazy. I want someone who feels free to express himself through his words, actions, movements, eyes, and even his silence. A comfortable silence can speak so many words.
Well-groomed hair-
Frankly, I want him to be well-groomed all over, but specifically, hair is important. I mean, what girl doesn't long to run her hands through a guy's hair and twirl the strands around her fingers. Petty, yes. But I want it anyway.
Organized, but spontaneous-
I tend to be an organized person. I like things to be in their places and on time. But I also have a don't-care-about-anything attitude that yearns for spontenaity and fun. A guy is going to have to keep me interested and excited, but he cannot make my life into a chaotic mess. Orderly fun?
Expressive eyes-
Sure I already said this, but I want to stress it. I don't care what color, shape, size, or deepness his eyes are, but he better be able to express himself in the way he looks at me. I want to see how he feels just by looking into his eyes.
Manliness that is aware of feminist movements-
I believe a man should be a leader in the home. Spiritually, he should be the head. Over the family, over the wife, over the finances. I want a man who treats me like a woman. On the other hand, I can be quite independent and I'm not sure how well I will be able to depend completely on a man. So he needs to be aware and open to giving me opportunity. Sometimes, I have to be a strong, leading woman.
A perfect devil-
Okay, so maybe that's a little strong. But honestly, I don't think I could stand one of those goody-two-shoes guys (not to use the term insultingly - I've been called that enough to know it's not nice). As Anne Shirley says, "I want him to be able to be wicked." At the same time, of course I want an angel.
That is my list for now, in no way encompassing everything I desire. There are natural deeper things, like a strong relationship with the Lord and enough ambition to have gotten or be getting him somewhere in life. But those are a few things.
Basically, I need a guy who is a contradiction - just like me. Good luck with that!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Book Bouncing
As usual, I am jumping from one idea to the next as the waterfall out of my head has a rather erratic flow. But hey, that's the joy of it all.
Recently, I had a great idea for a new story, which may become one, two, or even three books. I spent time inspiring with a friend and got the basics of the background down - something I generally like to do on fantasy stories. I don't like starting the book and finding out there's something I don't know about my own worlds. I have my main characters, the basic emotional and spiritual conflicts, the purpose of the story, and much of the physical conflict along the way. I even have some exact scenes and dialogues stored in my mind.
However, it was not to be. Not at this moment anyway. It's still there, and sometime someday I will write it. But I got another idea for yet another story, and once again I'm off! This one is a historical fiction romance set at the turn on the 19th century. Therefore, since the majority of my research was concluded in my history book, I can press on with this one. I have the prologue and half of the first chapter written already. I feel like I can finish this one, but then that's what I thought about the last half dozen. Yes, I do have a half dozen half-finished stories in my shelves, just waiting for me to get inspiration. I wish you could buy it in capsules.
But why look back? I shall now look forward and remember that I know just what to write on my current story. So time to let the thoughts flow out!
Recently, I had a great idea for a new story, which may become one, two, or even three books. I spent time inspiring with a friend and got the basics of the background down - something I generally like to do on fantasy stories. I don't like starting the book and finding out there's something I don't know about my own worlds. I have my main characters, the basic emotional and spiritual conflicts, the purpose of the story, and much of the physical conflict along the way. I even have some exact scenes and dialogues stored in my mind.
However, it was not to be. Not at this moment anyway. It's still there, and sometime someday I will write it. But I got another idea for yet another story, and once again I'm off! This one is a historical fiction romance set at the turn on the 19th century. Therefore, since the majority of my research was concluded in my history book, I can press on with this one. I have the prologue and half of the first chapter written already. I feel like I can finish this one, but then that's what I thought about the last half dozen. Yes, I do have a half dozen half-finished stories in my shelves, just waiting for me to get inspiration. I wish you could buy it in capsules.
But why look back? I shall now look forward and remember that I know just what to write on my current story. So time to let the thoughts flow out!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Boy I Never Knew
Once upon a time
Not so very long ago
I met the boy I never knew
And here I'll tell you so
His hair was black and curly
His eyes were deep as wells
From the moment that I saw him
I knew for him I fell
He didn't sing me love songs
Didn't whisper in my ear
He never even said my name
Though that I longed to hear
He didn't bring me flowers
Didn't sweep me off my feet
He never even held my hand
But we shared something sweet
For shortly after meeting
Our eyes locked in a stare
A smile was all we needed
To say what we knew was there
Innocent and lovely
Beautiful and pure
Everytime our eyes would meet
I knew our bond was sure
But time, it passed too quickly
And soon I had to go
What could have happened if we spoke
Well, that I'll never know
We never said Hello
And we didn't say Good-bye
My one last look as we drove away
Made me want to cry
Once upon a time
Bittersweetness came
I met the boy I never knew
And loved him just the same.
Not so very long ago
I met the boy I never knew
And here I'll tell you so
His hair was black and curly
His eyes were deep as wells
From the moment that I saw him
I knew for him I fell
He didn't sing me love songs
Didn't whisper in my ear
He never even said my name
Though that I longed to hear
He didn't bring me flowers
Didn't sweep me off my feet
He never even held my hand
But we shared something sweet
For shortly after meeting
Our eyes locked in a stare
A smile was all we needed
To say what we knew was there
Innocent and lovely
Beautiful and pure
Everytime our eyes would meet
I knew our bond was sure
But time, it passed too quickly
And soon I had to go
What could have happened if we spoke
Well, that I'll never know
We never said Hello
And we didn't say Good-bye
My one last look as we drove away
Made me want to cry
Once upon a time
Bittersweetness came
I met the boy I never knew
And loved him just the same.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The People Who Change Me
I recently read a note by a friend giving thanks for people who were special in her life. Now, I feel like writing one of my own. This list will be of people who changed me, maybe for the better, maybe for the worst. I will name most in initials to avoid giving out random names. And I am excluding family, since it is understood that they have all changed my life drastically.
H.J. - Of all the people I have known, you have probably been the most life-changing. Through you, I became confident, closer to the Lord, more talkative, and in love with writing. If I had never become friends with you, I doubt that I would have realized my passion for the written word. You are the closest friend I have ever had, and I hope the closest I will ever have (except maybe my husband). You are my inspiration, and I am who I am today because I know you.
Mr. Tom - You were the first adult that I felt close to. You treated me like the adult I was trying so hard to be, even though I was only in sixth grade. That year was the best year in Sunday School I have ever had. I felt comfortable with you, which is rare for me. I wish you had been my uncle or grandfather. Your sense of humor and crazy actions always got me laughing. I still remember the day you ran into the office, tackled Mali to the ground, took off her shoe, and tossed it down the hallway. I knew you would never treat me that way, but I loved seeing you goof off with the other kids. I bet you are rocking heaven right now! Can't wait to see you again.
J.S. - I know we've had our ups and downs as friends - not like normal girls who have fights. We just sort of faded away from each other at times, then became close again. Sometimes I don't really know what to say to you, but when we do get talking, you are so much fun to converse with. I think it was you who taught me to be less judgemental and more myself. I will never forget those long walks around the church, skipping youth group so that we could talk, getting in trouble because we didn't want to mingle. I felt like you were my friend and mine only, and that was what I needed then. I hope we continue to be friends even as we separate to go to college.
A.D. - I don't even know what you are like nowadays or what you are doing with your life. I hope for the best, but I have to say I don't think you are livng up to my expectations. Still, back in the day when we were neighbors, you were great. I felt comfortable with you. Everything from making pen names (that were really names of pens!) to trying to find my tickle spot and discovering I had none was fun. I'm sorry we separated, but I hope you never forget me. I became more fun through you I think.
T.R. - How can someone I never even spoke to change me? Well, you made me feel special. I know you were sort of a fanstasy - you still are; I can believe anything I want about you because I have no way of knowing what you are really doing. That week with you was the first time I felt like I was someone a boy could be attracted to. Sharing those special moments, so innocent and quiet, made me feel like I was walking on clouds. Out of all the girls there, you chose me. You will probably never know how much that changed my life.
A.O. - Sure, I find you annoying and immature, but guess what? Meeting you, being with you, and dumping you were all major growth experiences for me. I gained so much confidence through our relationship. I realized a lot of things about myself and about my interest in boys that will really help me in the future. We never even "went out" but in that month, I discovered my vulnerability in certain moods, and my need for strength in those moments. I will no longer fall for guys just to raise my ego. I know how emotional decision making can be a disaster, and because of you, I was saved from making a truly drastic decision. My only regret of our time together was that I acted like a normal teenage girl. However, I needed that time and foolishness in order to become who I am today.
That's all I can think of at this time. To those who tried to be an influence in my life and couldn't penetrate my tough outer layer, thanks for trying. I realize I am not the easiest person to get close to, and I apologize for that. But all of your tries were well-aimed. Thanks anyway.
And to the boy in the row behind me: I hope that someday my life will be changed by you. You may not even say much or pay attention, but if I can get up the nerve to speak to you, then I will have changed.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
H.J. - Of all the people I have known, you have probably been the most life-changing. Through you, I became confident, closer to the Lord, more talkative, and in love with writing. If I had never become friends with you, I doubt that I would have realized my passion for the written word. You are the closest friend I have ever had, and I hope the closest I will ever have (except maybe my husband). You are my inspiration, and I am who I am today because I know you.
Mr. Tom - You were the first adult that I felt close to. You treated me like the adult I was trying so hard to be, even though I was only in sixth grade. That year was the best year in Sunday School I have ever had. I felt comfortable with you, which is rare for me. I wish you had been my uncle or grandfather. Your sense of humor and crazy actions always got me laughing. I still remember the day you ran into the office, tackled Mali to the ground, took off her shoe, and tossed it down the hallway. I knew you would never treat me that way, but I loved seeing you goof off with the other kids. I bet you are rocking heaven right now! Can't wait to see you again.
J.S. - I know we've had our ups and downs as friends - not like normal girls who have fights. We just sort of faded away from each other at times, then became close again. Sometimes I don't really know what to say to you, but when we do get talking, you are so much fun to converse with. I think it was you who taught me to be less judgemental and more myself. I will never forget those long walks around the church, skipping youth group so that we could talk, getting in trouble because we didn't want to mingle. I felt like you were my friend and mine only, and that was what I needed then. I hope we continue to be friends even as we separate to go to college.
A.D. - I don't even know what you are like nowadays or what you are doing with your life. I hope for the best, but I have to say I don't think you are livng up to my expectations. Still, back in the day when we were neighbors, you were great. I felt comfortable with you. Everything from making pen names (that were really names of pens!) to trying to find my tickle spot and discovering I had none was fun. I'm sorry we separated, but I hope you never forget me. I became more fun through you I think.
T.R. - How can someone I never even spoke to change me? Well, you made me feel special. I know you were sort of a fanstasy - you still are; I can believe anything I want about you because I have no way of knowing what you are really doing. That week with you was the first time I felt like I was someone a boy could be attracted to. Sharing those special moments, so innocent and quiet, made me feel like I was walking on clouds. Out of all the girls there, you chose me. You will probably never know how much that changed my life.
A.O. - Sure, I find you annoying and immature, but guess what? Meeting you, being with you, and dumping you were all major growth experiences for me. I gained so much confidence through our relationship. I realized a lot of things about myself and about my interest in boys that will really help me in the future. We never even "went out" but in that month, I discovered my vulnerability in certain moods, and my need for strength in those moments. I will no longer fall for guys just to raise my ego. I know how emotional decision making can be a disaster, and because of you, I was saved from making a truly drastic decision. My only regret of our time together was that I acted like a normal teenage girl. However, I needed that time and foolishness in order to become who I am today.
That's all I can think of at this time. To those who tried to be an influence in my life and couldn't penetrate my tough outer layer, thanks for trying. I realize I am not the easiest person to get close to, and I apologize for that. But all of your tries were well-aimed. Thanks anyway.
And to the boy in the row behind me: I hope that someday my life will be changed by you. You may not even say much or pay attention, but if I can get up the nerve to speak to you, then I will have changed.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
Friday, February 19, 2010
The End of the Beginning
My first inspiration, Christian author Donita K. Paul, just finished yet another book to add to her list of amazing successes. I can't wait to read it, but more than that, I can't wait to know what she is feeling. Well, I do know what it feels like to finish writing a novel. Relieving, exciting, exhilarating, and a little sad. Sad because it's a story and characters that you must leave behind... at least until the time comes to edit. But I want to know how it feels to finish something that soon will be read by kids, teens, and adults all over America. Someday I'll get that feeling.
Another great thing about writing though: when you finish one book, when the end comes, you know it's just the beginning of a new story for your characters. Maybe you'll write what happens next, maybe you won't. But in the writer's mind, it still happens. Life goes on for your characters, even after you close the book.
Am I sounding eccentric yet? Sorry, not meaning to. But my mind and the words that come from it run away with me down a rather cloudy pathway sometimes. And not cloudy as in foggy; more like Cloud 9, that glorious haven for dreamers.
Now I am ready to conquer the paper, notebooks, and keyboard with my next stories. As usual, I have myriads of novels and novelettes running through my mind, and several have made it onto paper already. Working on one right now in fact. Unfortunately, not one that will carry me forward in life. I have a habit of getting ideas from other stories and movies, then bending and rewriting them to my own standards. I don't think I could ever get away with publishing something like that though, so I am writing it purely for my own enjoyment. And for the one person who will read it. Lucky or unlucky? Only she could answer that.
Another great thing about writing though: when you finish one book, when the end comes, you know it's just the beginning of a new story for your characters. Maybe you'll write what happens next, maybe you won't. But in the writer's mind, it still happens. Life goes on for your characters, even after you close the book.
Am I sounding eccentric yet? Sorry, not meaning to. But my mind and the words that come from it run away with me down a rather cloudy pathway sometimes. And not cloudy as in foggy; more like Cloud 9, that glorious haven for dreamers.
Now I am ready to conquer the paper, notebooks, and keyboard with my next stories. As usual, I have myriads of novels and novelettes running through my mind, and several have made it onto paper already. Working on one right now in fact. Unfortunately, not one that will carry me forward in life. I have a habit of getting ideas from other stories and movies, then bending and rewriting them to my own standards. I don't think I could ever get away with publishing something like that though, so I am writing it purely for my own enjoyment. And for the one person who will read it. Lucky or unlucky? Only she could answer that.
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